This past year has unfolded unlike I expected. I thought “Hey, life’s changed and I’ll adapt”. I had no clue back then.
Sure, there were doubts whether I could make it as a single parent. But deep inside I knew I was strong. Stronger than most. I knew I was up to the job of single parenthood.
There were many days when keeping the kids engaged consumed me. Picking up and dropping kids off at practice & games isn’t technically difficult. The cleaning, washing, picking up things and cooking – anyone could do it in bits. Doing it day after day, week after week, month after month gets to be a grind. And it’s threatening to consume myself.
I am hard on myself. I worry about being a good Dad all the time. I sacrifice a lot to be a good role model. I shouldn’t worry about what society thinks of me. And I shouldn’t do things for my kids just to prove that yeah, I’m a good Dad. I don’t have to prove myself to anyone.
Finding a new flow in life is proving harder that I thought. My riding has suffered. I haven’t read a novel in months. I can’t concentrate on my work. I worry more about getting the kids to-and-from wherever they need to be than thinking about my business. And that’s not right.
Janet used to tell me all the time “It’s Not About You”. She was wrong about that. If I’m not here to take care of myself, how can I take care of my kids?