Freedom Is Scary

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It’s nice to go into SLO to run errands and visit some friends and then come home without facing a Janet inquisition. I don’t miss the “where did I go/who did I talk to/what did we talk about/why didn’t I come home earlier” bullshit.

Yes I enjoy my freedom now. And yes I have the responsibility of a single parent – to provide a safe and loving hone. I act as judge, jury and executioner. It’s a 24/7 gig. It’s the best, most rewarding job in the world. I wouldn’t give it up for anything.

This Saturday Courtney has a meet from 8 until 3. Then I have my Little League Baseball Practice at 4. All good, right?

I realized yesterday that our High School Track/XC/Soccer Booster Club is having their annual Luau and Dinner this Saturday at 4:00. It’s quite the social event for the parents. It starts off with cocktail hour. Full Hawaiian theme including attire. Drawings for prizes including $3,500 cash and LA Dodgers VIP game package. Dinner. Music. A great time to socialize with all the other parents I’ve been running into at all the games and meets for the past year.

I wanted to go to the Luau last year, when Savannah was a Freshman. Janet wouldn’t hear none of it, she was after all in full-control mode. This year I’m going. To get to know better some of the parents of an amazing group of high school athletes. I’m relishing the opportunity of adult conversation for the evening.

So I need to cancel the baseball practice. Perhaps have it Sunday. I worked hard this season at keeping my promises. I’m worried about making late changes that affect other parents plans, worried about letting my players down, worried about not being the best coach they ever had.

I’m worried about carving my kids out of my schedule for the evening. I told them I am going to the Luau. They ask why I need to go. Do they think I’m a bad parent for leaving them for an evening?

Maybe I need to stop being so hard on myself.