Domestic Bliss


Today I got a new upright vacuum. She’s a beauty. A big, honking Bissell Clearview Bagless. It has the Powertrack Plus. With Turbo Brush, Wide Power Trak, Hepa Media Filter, Dual Edge Cleaning, and Triple Filters. The cord is long enough to vacuum the entire living room without switching plugs. Yeah! How could I go wrong?

I made a pass at the living room today and, holy shit, it sucks! Sucks really, really good! Look at all the dog hair it picked up! I conquered armies today. I was like Napoleon flanking the Italian Army at the Battle of Lodi.

Let me tell you about my old upright. It’s a Panasonic Model 5116. I bought it in the late ‘70’s when I got my first apartment. It didn’t have any attachments. It wasn’t height-adjustable. It didn’t have all the bells and whistles. Yet it very light and easy to push. She had good suction.

I felt sad putting the old warrior out to pasture today. She served me well. For over 30 years. I bought two other vacuum cleaners in the interim. A Dirt Devil and a Hoover. The Panisonic handily beat them both. It was always better at the job. Until today.