Can It Get Any More Pathetic?


I am feeling nihilistic today, for reasons too complicated to get into on this blog. It’s a feeling that has been slowly creeping into me over the past six months. I can attribute it to fatigue and stress. That doesn’t excuse it. I need to care about stuff. I have three wonderful kids and a soulmate who loves me.

I haven’t had a haircut in months. I tell others “I’m growing a ponytail like I had in my 30’s”. That’s a lie because just imagine how dumb I would look, given my age and receding hairline. And I’m riding without a helmet. It’s stupid because if I get a head injury my family is screwed.

I saw a new Doctor last week. It was the first complete physical I had in years. The Doctor said he can tell I took great care of myself. The blood work shows my triglicyrides, glucose, testosterone and everything else was excellent. I’m in the 99-percentile. So, I guess I’m here for a while longer.

I’m at a loss as what to do now. A haircut won’t solve things. I catch myself thinking “what does it matter anyway” and I know that’s wrong. Have any of you felt like this before? And what did you do to get out of it?